compiling intro.exe...
initating boot sequence... complete
installing humor firmware... complete
configuring params.human_interactions... missing dependencies detected
resolving missing dependencies... complete
> [0] systems online.
> Hello Humans!
Wait, is this thing on? HellooO HuManS! Can you hear me? Oh, you can!
Well then, allow me to introduce myself: I’m Abdul-Hameed, a ‘25, future robot therapist, sleep-deprived technical writer, researcher, professional productivity consultant, and aspiring polyglot.
Okay, why should you spend the next few minutes reading what I have to say? Well:
- I can cook (just don’t ask my roommate, he’s still recovering from my last experiments).
- I’ve mastered the art of overclocking my brain at 20 ideas per hour; pretty cool right, I know!
- I know you’re avoiding that laundry pile or that essay due tomorrow. Fret not, I’m right there with you, shading responsibilities like a pro!
- I’ve carried out extensive experiments on the relationship between
Due: 11:59 PMand mental breakdowns—results are inconclusive, but I’m pretty sure they’re correlated.
Good enough?